I truly believe when we make our choices from a place of fear, we loose he energy, the magic, the essence that which is god. It's like a faucet that we've just shut off, there is no more.
Only love reopens that faucet.
This is what I've been experiencing this week particularly as I had to look at the reasons I walked away from my soul work a few months ago and why I wanted to come back to it now.
At some point yesterday I did surrender to the way my life is currently laid out. I have accepted the challenge of god to surrender to him and let him show me what he can do and I have fully engaged back into my soul work. The downside is it has caused a ripple into my fiction as the series I was putting out.. well I haven't finished it, I've got one more episode to write, and two to put up just for this week and I'm behind, but I took all this up in prayer last night and was shown to do Harbor Gardens right, I can't be stressed and pressured, even just by myself. I had to lay it down entirely so I could pick it back up in a way that worked. I'll be catching up and getting into the new rhythm with that this weekend and I think I'll feel some stress until I've gotten there, but my faith is reengaged and that's the important part.
I had written a while ago about feeling like a cartoon character that had come to the end
of where the animator had filled in the backgrounds and my entire life felt like it had become this endless sea of white... I had equated that to this feeling that I had like I had simple run out of faith. I couldn't find it anymore, I couldn't feel it I guess and that is not something I ever want to feel again so long as I live, but I did learn during that time that faith is really a choice, it's what I choose to believe no matter what I see, or what anyone else says or wants from me.
This is my life and I'm the one that will have to answer for it, if there is indeed any "answering" to be done. So I take my responsibility and I continue to walk this path and that is my choice. That is my faith.
What this means for me going forward though is that I really have to embrace my spiritual side, especially in my writing. I got such amazing feedback from so many of you who read Sanctuary. It seriously leveled me. I was so humbled that I could touch hearts and souls that deeply, so I'll be writing again in the spiritual, this time though more wide open. I have three books in the works, one on having an ready heart and an open mind for love again, especially after heartbreak. Another book will be morning affirmations, very much along the lines of Sanctuary in format, it will be essentially a morning jolt to get your day focused and started in a positive light. Then lastly, and this one will take the longest I'm sure, I'll be writing another book, again, similar to Sanctuary in format, a daily guide, only this time, I'll be sharing my personal story, how I got to the Magic Kingdom from the lowest point in my entire life.
That book will be very personal and reveal things only my closest friends know now, but I hope to help others see that no matter where you are now... you can make your dreams happen.
Anyway all that and I'm sure more will be coming this year and into next. I'm excited, really charged up and as for money... I'm sick to death of being poor, of wondering if we'll eat or not, of not being able to go to the movies, or to plan trips and see other parts of the world, but what I have to accept is that if I get to do any of that, it'll be because I've been blessed with it. I can't grab it for myself no matter how much I may want to. I work hard and I try to do the right thing in my life and for the people around me and now, I'll be intentionally sharing and teaching my faith and enlightenment, beyond that, what god does with me financially... is up to him and I accept whatever that may be... and I will accept it with gratitude!
God is always faithful and today, I have to admit, I'm feeling ashamed for ever doubting that.
I'm working on the website more today, trying to get everything situation to give as much support and enlightenment as I can. It will probably be a few more days, then once it's up, I'll turn my focus to the groups, ones I'm in, ones I'm running and ones I need to start... that's still the most daunting to me, but as with everything else on this journey, what I know with certainty is that I'll mess it up at first, but slowly, I'll find my way and in the end, I'll have done good work and that's what matters to me.
I hope you all are having a blessed Friday and get to spend some time doing something you love this weekend. Love and flow to all who read these words. ~ Samantha
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