Making Waves

All my life, I've tried to be quiet and stay out of the way and not be seen. Ever since I was a child, I had this innate sense not to make waves. It was like I knew I couldn't control the waves and I've been afraid of how they would impact those around me. I mean what if someone couldn't swim and the wave went over their head and drowned them!?!?

 I saw in my meditation today that this need to sit quietly in the corner has been my attempt to keep the power in me caged, because I fear it. I fear what it can do.

The power I have to see people's truth, to catch glimpses of their path, where they are stuck and what they have to do to fix it, it's an enormous weight on me because I know most people would rather not know. They think they want to know, but they think I'm going to say something like find a new job and buy flowers for your apartment, not the entire life you've built is resting on a cracked foundation and you need to dismantle a whole huge chuck and rebuild.

I'm working on tact and being less intense, but that aside, today I realized that the power I have inside me that causes these ripples is god given and I've been honing it over many lifetimes and this is my time to use it and not fear it.

The truth is we are all interconnected. Every being on the planet. We can't make moves and not affect other people and my attempts to be still have only stunted my own spiritual growth and experiences, as well as kept rewards from the people closest to me. It certainly has not saved any of the people around me from pain or kept them from making horrendous life choices. I saw so clearly today in meditation how when I am doing in my life what I am supposed to do, things that don't even directly effect anyone else, it changes me, it changes the energy around me... it makes ripples.

 The thing I never saw before though, is that the waves created by my life will touch some with light, some with struggles, it will depend on how they are aligned with the energy of god in their own lives, it's not about me at all! lol

Isn't that the greatest error we make as humans? Constantly assuming, "it's all about me."

The truth is, I'm not the creator or originator of the energy. I am only in control of my piece of it. The choices I make effect people, but if my putting out a positive energy affects someone negatively, that's about their choices, I didn't do anything to them.

This is the hardest thing for me to grasp.

I know I have great power, and I struggle with the responsibility of that, but I have to remember that the same energy I put out that may cause difficulty for one person, may also be the thing that breaks another free or rains blessings down on their head.

In the end, I cannot control anyone else, not their choices, not their destiny, not their live experiences.

In the end all I ever have to answer for is me.

In the end... I am not responsible for how someone reacts to the waves, I'm only responsible for joyfully making them.

I think it's time to get back into the water!