Things like marriage, success and becoming this woman I feel I am inside, that my mind says is getting too big for her britches. :)
We so often allow fear to shut us down and block the most wonderful things in our life. It is said that oftentimes the thing that is best for us is the thing hidden in our fears. When we face down fears, we change our lives and most often find more peace, happiness and enlightenment along the way than we ever could have imagined beforehand. Fear makes us block the thing we want and thus really the only thing to really fear is fear itself.
I recognize the truth of this recently as I am often the biggest block to wonderful things coming into my life, but I just don't want to be that anymore. With my twin flame relationship for instance, I got so caught up in how happy he was with his current gf, that I tried to tell god to find me someone else, to leave Tony with his gf.
In about two years from now, I want you all to remind me of how stupid that was. ;-)
Also, take marriage, I don't want to get married again. I say it all the time. Somewhere along the line though I realized that my truth really is that I don't want to get divorced again. Therefore I refuse to marry. No marriage, no divorce. Makes sense, right?
Wrong!
A- that's bass ackwards. and B- In my heart of hearts, I do crave that level of a committed relationship in my future, but fear makes me back away. Fear of not getting what I want, equally as much as fear of getting exactly what I want and not being able to handle it. Failing at another relationship terrifies me. Failing at my twin flame relationship makes me act positively stupid.
This is not a good situation I've set up so I'm purposefully re-languaging myself. For starters,
I will never again say I don't want to be married. If I feel the words forming, I will change them to my truth, I don't want another failed relationship, but I am open to whatever the god of the universe has in store for me, knowing that he only has my good at hand.
I will purposefully, intentionally allow my mind to contemplate and accept the possibility of finding someone that I can comfortably make that kind of commitment with and I will absolutely refuse to block what could be utter bliss and happiness with my twin flame because some small part of me fears being hurt and rejected or because his feelings on marriage are exactly the same as mine... never again!
The truth is that we don't know our future and most of us are historically really bad at predicting the outcomes of the paths we travel down. The thing we try to avoid, could be the exact thing god is trying to give you. We are like babies refusing proper nutrients because all we want is dessert. That which we know and understand and are guaranteed not to hurt or make us uncomfortable
The thing we call god, the divine, the one, the essence, whatever term you use, it's immense and enormous and we are but these tiny little specs that the essence wants to fill with nourishment so that we grow and become light. When we decide HOW we'll accept this nourishment, most often dictated by our fears, it shuts off the well to the essence so we get nothing and more, we shrivel up from the lack of exposure.
Do not allow fears and what you think you want right this second, keep you from something amazing down the road. So often the exact thing we fear, turns out to be the best thing we ever encounter.
It's only been in the last four or five years that I've started to change a lifelong dislike of chocolate. Forty years I hated the flavor of it. Now I find myself appreciating and enjoying it. Had I not been open to the possibility of chocolate, I would have gone on all my life never experiencing things like real home made hot chocolate, made slow on the stove with cream and milk and melting real milk chocolate, or how the flavor of chocolate enhances vanilla, or how a chocolate covered strawberry bursts forth with abundance on your tongue.
We are always changing and you have no way of knowing what a year from now will bring or what you'll want in your life then. What if you miss out on something extraordinary, simply because you thought that wasn't something you'd like? Live open to god's design and I guarantee you, you will experience more flavor, color and substance to your life than you knew was out there.
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