Yesterday's events are beyond comprehensible. Those were babies, and I, like the rest of the country, was grieved deeply for the loss and for the survivors who will have to live with this for the rest of their lives.
There is no sense to be made of it and I won't try. I do not think the gunman evil, though I know we would like a nice black and white tie up like that, he wasn't. As is the case most times with these sorts of things, he was simply mad and yes we can ask all the questions like why didn't anyone see it coming and why wasn't there help for him before it got to this point and why on earth did his mother have those types of weapons, but truthfully, we all know that if a person is intent on carrying out something, he will find the will and means to do so.
I, like everyone else, struggle to wrap my head around how something like this could happen, but at the same time, I realize that we are blessed to live in one of the safest countries in the world. For the most part, our children are safe when they go to school and sleep in their beds at night. It is not that way in other parts of the world. I realize that there are not atrocities carried out on our city streets on a daily basis. I realize that I am able to walk home after dark and not fear for my life. I realize that each day begins with hope and I have the freedom and opportunities to make my life anything I want for it and I realize that the reason this story made such big news is because we don't see this kind of thing usually. That is something to remember.
Yesterday was horrific, there is no doubting that and for the families who lost their children, their family members, life will be forever changed. What I believe though, is that whenever we are faced with crisis, we have choices of how to react. We had no choice in what came into our life, but we can choose what to do with it.
I pray for these families that they will not allow this to ruin them. That they can somehow, even within the depths of their grief, find a way to make this occurrence mean something. We can take the worst things and give them purpose by how we choose to react to them. I know when I had my miscarriages, I refused to let my babies come and go from this world without ever being able to make an impact, so I determined to make one for them. We do not have to let evil prevail. Because where I do not believe Ryan Lanza to be evil, I do believe evil perpetrated this act yesterday.
As for where was god? Obviously I have no definitive answers for that, but within the horror of yesterday, we also saw miracles. There were signs of god's presence there everywhere. I think if there were no god, there would have been nothing to be thankful for yesterday. I think with no god, we would never have reason to rejoice. God is the source of all goodness, but rather than blame him for what occurred yesterday, why can't we see that where there is light, there is also darkness? We are in the epic battle of good vs evil everyday and we are the ones who make the differences by the choices we make, but there is never 100% victory for either side in a war. Yesterday was a sad one for good, but everyday there is good and evil playing out in our world, we just choose not to recognize it most days until something so big happens we cannot retreat into our medication tent and pretend it's not there.
It is no secret that I believe in a spiritual realm. When we realize that life is not neutral, it is not simply some cosmic experiment, but that there is a battle of light and dark going on constantly and that the choices we make matter, we truly can change the world.
Yesterday was not a victory of evil, if it had been, we'd be defeated today. There would be no hope. However, we have the choice to remember these children and adults and honor their lives. We have the choice to align ourselves more perfectly with the light becoming a more useful ally in the fight. Because there will be another time, there always is, but rather than focus on what was lost us, focus on what was won. Honor those lost, but celebrate those who made it through. Celebrate the teachers and children who were heroes yesterday. We cannot save the dead, but we can move on from this stronger which does matter and will make a difference in more ways than you can imagine.
When you ask where god was? I know it's because we believe him to be omnipotent and he should have been everywhere. I know it's because even if you choose to believe he was holding and comforting those who died in their last moments, then you have to ask yourself, why didn't he save them? We get angry and question why did he deem this person's worth less then that, the one he saved?
The truth is, we cannot understand God's reasonings because we are not him. We have not the capacity to begin to understand the bigger picture here. All we can do is accept that he is the god of creation and he does love that which he creates and he always has a plan for our lives.
If you want to do something about what happened yesterday, then make a difference in yourself. Because when we truly become align with truth and peace and love, then we do touch lives and make differences, even when we cannot see them. What we do matters. We are not helpless victims in a life playing out around us. No, we cannot usually control the situations we find ourselves in, but we do control our actions and our attitudes. We choose to embrace love, or we choose to harden ourselves.
No matter what you believe about god or otherwise, I will guarantee you that keeping yourself open to love will always be the right answer. Do not allow the events of yesterday, or your own personal complications and afflictions harden you, because only then does evil begin to win.
If you cannot embrace "god" embrace love... always embrace love. It matters.
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