I'm working on putting this into action in my own life right now. I have a few very specific goals I'm chasing and those are non negotiable. Those are the dreams god has placed in my heart and the things that I know, unless I chase them, I will always feel unfulfilled to some degree. However, there are times I get too narrow focused on the outcome of these things and forget that the how of how I go about accomplishing these things, that's the stuff my life is made of. That's the part that matters most. Yet, that's often the part I spend the least amount of attention on.
I believe god planted certain dreams in my heart at my creation, or at the very least, when I came into this life. I believe I'm pre-programmed, if you will, to desire these things, but whether or not I go after them, and how, I go after them... well that's a complete open field and sort of the point of life.
Two people can have the exact same goal, open a business, lose fifty pounds, raise healthy kids, run a successful non profit, invent something life changing... and go about the process of achieving those things entirely differently. What those two people bring the world will also be different and will be reflective of their intentions and what they focused on throughout their journey.
The struggle, the obstacles, the integrity, the playfulness, the lessons, the giving... those are the little moments you string together and look back at and realize, that was your life.
I have the dream of having a
successful writing career, travel, a home at Golden Oak... but at the core of everything is my driving need to touch lives and leave the world changed in some small way. However, I plan to get extraordinarily wealthy, love deeply-madly-passionately, laugh and dance joyfully, and create tremendous beauty on the way to that and I believe at the end of the day, that is the part that matters to god and that's the part that will be my legacy way more than anything I write, or anything I leave in my last will.
I'm reminded of the parable from Matthew of the servants given coins from the master before he left on a trip. It's Matthew 25:14-28, but the point is, two of the servants worked hard with what they were given and doubled the investment. The third was afraid of losing what he had so he burred his coins in the ground. When the master came back he rewarded the first two and punished the third even though he gave back exactly what he'd been given.
Each and every day of our lives we are given choices and how we handle those, matters. I've often lived like the man afraid of losing what he was given so he puts it in the ground, or sometimes I just get too narrow focused on the coins themselves, that I miss the hungry child by the road that cries out for someone to notice him, or I miss a pod of dolphins playing joyfully in the sea that would have lit up my soul with glee. My soul grieves for those missed opportunities.
I often wonder what the servant from the parable did with his day during the time the master was gone. Probably went on about his day, working hard, coming home to the latest episode of CSI at the end of the day and sharing a beer with friends on the weekends knowing that coin was buried and safe. He was probably a good person, liked by many and fairly content... but it added up to nothing in the end.
The other two men, I have always thought of them spending the time working endlessly to double that money. Barely sleeping, not eating, constantly trying to come up with new ways to make the money grow. Their wives and kids started forgetting what they looked like... but I realize now... not true. That is not how we gain success!
In my opinion, what would constitute real success was if those men, worked hard-yes, but more importantly, dealt with people with integrity no matter how they were dealt with. Remembered to put it all away at the end of the day. They reached out a hand of kindness when they could, they loved their wives and kids deeply and always made time for them. They laughed joyously at a litter of new puppies and sat in wonder at a sunset. They prayed and they learned and they were faithful in all they decided upon to do.
Faith is a discipline.
It's not something you feel, it's something you choose and to choose it continually... that's discipline.
I'm making this change in my life to choose faith. My days have become these endless marathons of trying to build an empire. My new teacher Qi has asked me to give up working so much, to bring balance into my life and that terrifies me. He wants me to give up hours upon hours of time I've got dedicated to work... I always assumed after I was successful I'd dial back the work, but Qi says, not so. He says that until I learn balance and discipline, my success will be limited.
This is a very hard lesson for me.
When I first arrived in Florida I was so full of joy and gratitude. It oozed from my pours. There used to be a skywriter that would write religious messages over the hotel I was first staying in, things like god loves you... but it always made me smile and feel joy because I'd been delivered from the ashes and hell yeah I felt like god loved me.
The past few months I've gotten bogged down. I moved, I fell in love, I took this huge risk with my career starting Starlight Key... I've lost my joy.
The other week, for the first time in months, I saw that sky writer again. Immediately afterwards, I saw four very large, very beautiful Cranes --that I can never remember what they are called no matter how many time Tony tells me sheesh!-- point is, I hadn't seen that sky writer, nor those cranes since my time at the other hotel and both the birds, and the white smoke in the sky, had always felt like caresses from the creator himself. Seeing both again on the same day, it was such a reminder to me that I had allowed my joy to seep out all over the pavement and I had none left.
It doesn't matter how it happened, I need to find it again. I need to nurture it so that it wells up from inside me like a wild spring!
I know god isn't happy watching me work all hours of the day and night, neglecting my relationships and forgetting my joy. Furthermore, I'm clearly not happy either. I can't be a goof friend, parent or partner from this place, but when I'm in balance... I can be damn good at all three.
I know the things god has asked of me. He's given me coins to mind, but HOW I mind them is up to me. With that in mind, I'm changing my management style. I will balance my work with play and rest and growing my spirit. I will remember again to laugh. I will dance. I will be sexy. I will write. I will meditate. I will give those around me the freedom to screw up, even if I know it's going to effect me. lol
In general, I'm going to remember that the 'hows' of my day, whatever I decided to do with my 24 hours, I'm dedicating back to god. I want to spend my day in ways that bring him pleasure and give me joy. I still have a six month plan in affect that will keep my life more on the compressed side then I ultimately would like, but I am going to open up to ways to bring in more color, I'll be sharing that on the Threads blog, and I'm going to open myself up to being more playful, I'm going to find ways to find satisfaction in the exact situation I'm in now, and stop waiting for the promised land.
I think in the end, there are so many ways I could be expressing joy and gratitude for my life in my everyday and I just don't. To me, that's unacceptable, but I have all the power in the universe to change it. I'm making the change today to steep my day in the devotion of discipline and enjoy it immensely! I will please him, and in that, I will touch lives and I will live in joy again.
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