I Am... A Profound Moment of Learning

One of the "commandments" I have long lived in fear of is the one that says do not take the name of the lord your god in vain.

As a child, this one scared he bejezzes out of me because A- I didn't really understand it and B- that seemed like one REALLY easy to slip up on.

I mean people all around me, all my life, have used the phrase, Oh my God! Right? So how is it that that commandment is written about so seriously and so prominently, yet broken so casually?

I've long since given up trying to figure out the "commandments". I've sort of let them go by the wayside as religious instruments. However, in a conversation with my oldest, he said to me, kind of out of the blue might I add, he asked me what do I consider to be God's name?

Okay I was totally taken aback, because

Holding Space and Closing Doors

Relationships...

My guides had me write a blog post this morning on the three men who've broken my heart. It's harsh. I feel like a total bitch. I feel like that post only tells half of the story because I have gratitude to these men and I loved them and mostly, I don't regret the relationships. Each one has been instrumental in making me who I am today... but my guides wanted me only to focus the pain, saying my truth, confessing my pain, not trying to be balanced and fair as my Libra self always insists.

In many ways it was excruciatingly hard. For everything I wrote, I wanted to write five good things and show how and where I had been wrong in the relationship and where I could have done better, but I kept hearing my one guide say

Fly - Faith - Money - Weight

This is me and god right now.

Youngest said it was accurate except for the baby bird should be quoted as saying "But there's not enough moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" as he falls from the nest.

It's funny because last week I finally put into words for the first time my experiences, and current beliefs, with money. So of course I'm going to get tested right away and considering the growth I've experienced in this area, it again, of course, was going to have to be one hell of a test.

It came in the form of food and my fitness goals. My Achilles heal.

For anyone who doesn't know, September 5th I started an 84 days to fitness challenge issued by my guides and angels. I am currently twice the weight I should be and my guides have been pushing the idea of weight loss on me for about three and a half years now and I have lost quite a bit of weight, but as I just admitted to being essentially twice my size, there's still a lot of work to be done here. This has been the hardest damn thing. I swear, I'll start, see results, life comes in and

My Totem or Spirit Animals

BUTTERFLY

Butterfly is the symbol of change, the soul, creativity, freedom, joy and color. Their power is transformation, shape shifting and soul evolution. They represent the element of air, quickly changing and always on the move gracefully.

She asks us to accept the changes in our lives as casually as she does. The butterfly unquestioningly embraces the chances of her environment and her body.This unwavering acceptance of her metamorphosis is also symbolic of faith. Here the butterfly beckons us to keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our lives. She understands that our toiling, fretting and anger are useless against the turning tides of nature – she asks us to recognize the same

SWAN

Grace, Beauty, Power of Self The Swan is one of the most powerful and ancient of totems. A Swan totem heralds a time of altered states of awareness and the development of intuitive abilities. Swan people have the ability to see the future, and to accept the healing and transformation that is beginning in their lives. Accept your ability and go with the flow. You have the ability to see into the future and to accept the healing and transformation that is so constant in our lives. You tend to be completely monogamous in your relationships.

KITTY



Cats are an image of wholeness - a merging of the physical and spiritual, the psychic and the sensual. For a cat, these are not separate worlds, but one. They have been tagged with a variety of traits, including curiosity, nine lives, independence, cleverness, unpredictability, and healing.

​Cat animal symbolism reminds us to not fall prey to false beliefs, to not be a fool out of ignorance and derive understanding from our own internal wisdom. The cat beckons us to realize that when we turn within to our own hearts, minds and souls, and trust in ourselves we will always be shown the truth of matters.






orca




Orca teaches abilities of entering the depths of the mind and emotions, accessing ancient memories buried deep within, recognizing the power of vibrational energy and aids to heighten intuition and perceptions. Orca can help you discover your own personal "song of the soul" that until now has been hidden. Orca teaches how to swim in life with grace and strength and dive the depths of your being. This animal demonstrates creativity and joy, aids in accessing personal freedom, teaches empowerment, heightens ability to heal with sound and song, and allows access to unconscious memories for health, healing and personal discovery. 
 



You are highly intelligent with great learning abilities. You never make the same mistake twice! This, along with your adaptability, enables you to take on the most challenging of assignments and projects in life because you always know that you will be capable of learning whatever it is you need to learn in order to succeed. You know how to use your voice to get what you want in life and you are always closely connected with your inner self. You know how to stay on track with your life path.
 







OTTER

Playfulness, joy, togetherness, curiosity, awakening, creativity, imagination, healing wisdom, awareness, faithfulness, if Otter is your animal totem you have no selfishness, are not self centered, or self driven and could never be mean to others. You find purpose in supporting and enhancing the lives of others.You find everything interesting and have a great deal of curiosity. You effortlessly create space in your life for others without preconceptions or suspicions. You tend to have a great deal of happiness and good fortune in your life.








GIRAFFE

 


You have the gift of higher perception and inner awareness. Your gentleness and gracefulness in action are always apparent to others. You have learned to make your words count and share your awareness of your surroundings with others. You often know the future, can sense what is going to happen and what lies over the horizon. Nothing catches her by surprise, for she can see not only what is heading her way, but can run as fast as the wind if she does not like what she sees.
 




The giraffe loves her body.  She loves that she is unique in all the world and she knows and owns her beauty.  She does not waste a single minute in wishing she were anything other than what she is. With her energy within you, you will be able to find ways to maintain your own uniqueness while sharing the world with others.  Her highly social nature will help you find the right balance between being exactly who you are, shining out with your wonder, while also fitting in with the group when you care to. 

Sweet Surrender

This is what I've experienced this week. This week has been interesting and intense spiritually. I experienced a re-awakening as I had spoken of yesterday, but then also immediately faced a challenge to my ego that I did not at all like.

I truly believe when we make our choices from a place of fear, we loose he energy, the magic, the essence that which is god. It's like a faucet that we've just shut off, there is no more.

Only love reopens that faucet.

This is what I've been experiencing this week particularly as I had to look at the reasons I walked away from my soul work a few months ago and why I wanted to come back to it now.

At some point yesterday I did surrender to the way my life is currently laid out. I have accepted the challenge of god to surrender to him and let him show me what he can do and I have fully engaged back into my soul work. The downside is it has caused a ripple into my fiction as the series I was putting out.. well I haven't finished it, I've got one more episode to write, and two to put up just for this week and I'm behind, but I took all this up in prayer last night and was shown to do Harbor Gardens right, I can't be stressed and pressured, even just by myself. I had to lay it down entirely so I could pick it back up in a way that worked. I'll be catching up and getting into the new rhythm with that this weekend and I think I'll feel some stress until I've gotten there, but my faith is reengaged and that's the important part.

I had written a while ago about feeling like a cartoon character that had come to the end

I'm Scared

My life with God is never uneventful. I'm always being led further and further outside of my comfort zone... hell my original comfort zone is nothing but a memory at this point, and a fuzzy one at that. Who I've become is unrecognizable to who I once was. I'm always being pushed to stretch, to reach, to grow, to become more and the last year or so, I've been called to teach, intentionally. To share my faith and my walk.

Though it started as Christian, I can't call it that now. I don't align with any religion any longer, but I do align with that which I recognize as god and that is sacred to me. I don't always understand it, I often try and talk myself out of it, being crazy would be so much easier some days then being able to "hear" god, but I know who I am and who I am cannot walk away from what I believe.

This year has been, well I'm referring to it as the season of dryness because quite frankly, my spirit world has been inexplicably quiet while my life has been a mess of chaos. I recently however reached the end of that season and my spirituality came back like a flash flood and it's been a welcome change, only, as to be expected at this point, God is now raising the bar... and I'm scared.

If you follow my blogs you know there are two things I want in life, career success/money and great love/romance. I have a beautiful life and I'm very happy in it, but these two things, which I feel would set my entire life over the top, well they elude me. Plus, I still get support from my ex-husband which I'd really like to stop. We have two adult children who both have various forms of autism and who live with me, so while there are moments I think about how many dead-beat dads there are out there and how wonderful Dave is for stepping up and making sure his kids are okay even when he doesn't "have" too, my own ego doesn't want to need support from him and that one thought has kept me in bondage for more than a year now.

Here's where things get wild...